The heartbreak is no longer emotional—it’s biological. It has now been a full 24 hours since Arsenal crashed out of the Champions League, and the ripple effect has broken the circadian rhythm of an entire nation.
Two of Nigeria’s funniest men, Remote and MC Lively, known for making millions laugh, are now the faces of national despair. Sources say both men haven’t slept since PSG put the final nail in Arsenal’s European coffin. Eyewitnesses claim Remote’s eyes have begun syncing with Arsenal’s tactics: wide open, confused, and shaky under pressure.
MC Lively was last seen by neighbors standing on his roof at 3:47am yelling:
“God, why you no just let Saka dey play PSG alone? The rest no try at all!”
He has reportedly launched a GoFundMe campaign titled “BUY ME SLEEP”, with a goal of ₦2 million to cover sleeping pills, eye drops, 3 electric fans, and a “comforting Saka plushie”.
Meanwhile, Remote posted on X (formerly Twitter) at 4:06am:
“I slept at 2am, woke up thinking it was morning… 4am never nack. This is pain. Deep, painful, DSTV-subscription-expiring pain.”
Across Nigeria, pharmacies report a critical shortage of sleeping pills. Some are now recommending alternatives like zobo, onions under the pillow, or simply watching Chelsea highlights for quick unconsciousness.
In a bold response, a support movement named “#SleeplessForSaka” has emerged, with group therapy sessions held nightly from 1–5am. Activities include:
- Cry-laughing
- Listening to slow Burna Boy
- Rewatching Thierry Henry clips
- Whispering “next season is ours” in unison
Meanwhile, a candlelight vigil was held at Ojuelegba Bridge for “the Champions League dream that Arsenal murdered.”
Let it be known. Let it be recorded in the Book of Football Pain: 24 hours after the loss… laughter stopped, sleep ran away, and even jollof rice lost flavor.
God abeg. Na sleep we dey find now. Football don collect our joy.
