In what many Nigerians are calling “The Great Collapse of Hope FC,” Arsenal’s shocking 2-1 loss to PSG in the Champions League semi-final has sent waves of emotional devastation across the country.
Reports from across Abuja, Lagos, Ibadan, and even Owerri confirm the situation: street football matches have been canceled, suya sellers are now grilling in silence, and even Lagos traffic honked respectfully just once—then went quiet.
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Two of the most affected citizens, Samuel “Saka Till I Die” Jackson and Phemmy “In Arteta We Trust” Adetula, were last seen at Mama Nkechi’s viewing center throwing their Arsenal scarves into a pot of pepper soup. Since the final whistle, the duo has refused to eat, drink, or pick up phone calls—even from their mothers. Their WhatsApp statuses, once full of “We dey go final!” GIFs, now show only one line: “No comment. Just pain.”
Eyewitnesses confirm that Samuel attempted to chew a piece of bread but gave up halfway and whispered, “Even this one no sweet again.” Phemmy reportedly tried to rewatch Arsenal’s win over Madrid but started crying when he saw Martin Ødegaard smile.
Nigerian Twitter is on fire with hashtags like #ArsenalWhy and #SakaSorryNoOffense. One user tweeted, “My neighbor wey dey owe NEPA just go pay bill out of frustration.”
Even the popular prophet who predicted Arsenal’s triumph last week has allegedly relocated to Togo for “personal meditation.”
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. In the spirit of comic relief, a movement has begun titled “Jollof for Healing”—a nationwide call to feed every Arsenal fan affected by this tragic loss with premium party jollof and 1 litre of chilled zobo.
As of press time, Samuel and Phemmy are being encouraged by friends to come out, eat something, and maybe watch old Thierry Henry clips for emotional healing.
Because at the end of the day, football na just game—but hunger na real life!
